If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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