I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
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Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
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I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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