I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You took a bar mat shot.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
