nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
organizing the empties. That sober.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
