life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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