Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
