Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
