google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
