Heybabeimwearingurpanties
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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