I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
