Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
