Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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