I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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