Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
