I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
