Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
