1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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