before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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