please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
