Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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