Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
