I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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