You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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