maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
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I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you had me at cake vodka
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize