so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
