I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
