when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
