So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
