So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
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i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
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Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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