My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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