Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you inspire me to be a worse person
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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