God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
