I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
