hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
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My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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