Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
