Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
