Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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