after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
