Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
