I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
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She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
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I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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