so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
