seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
