ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
