His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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