I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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