i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
