Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
