He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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