Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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