I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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