Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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