hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
