You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
