Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
