Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
