dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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