I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
