By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
is wine microwaveable?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
