Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you traded sex for a burrito?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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