i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
