that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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