i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
