I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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