i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize