I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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