I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
This is my gift to your gina
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
