Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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