He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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