hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
