Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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