I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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