why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
