If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
