recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
