she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Found your dick twin last night
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
