"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are your genitals available?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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